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"Gary": My
new girlfriend cheated on me and I don't know what to do. I
love her and want to stay with her but it's killing me
inside.
"Lisa":
According to you, the girl you met online bought you a very
expensive plane
ticket to come to her state and live in her
house, which you did.
You had no problems with her at all,
until one of your casual friends back in your home state, told you
that she told him (over the computer), that she had cheated on
you. This supposedly happened with you in the house, living
with her, and yet you never saw it.
Now she is not denying or
agreeing to your accusation, and you believe her
silence admits guilt.
My
Answer...
First of all, it's very
unlikely that she raised $1000 to bring you into her life and is
supporting you, so that she can cheat on you.
You have no proof whatsoever
that this happened, but you've placed the weight of your belief and
trust into a casual friend thousands of miles away, over the girl
who valued you enough to invest in your future together.
Let's examine
motives.
What would she get out of
being unfaithful to you?
-
She would lose $1000,
and suffer your wrath and perhaps loneliness in the end.
-
Maybe if this really
happened, she had decided that she made a mistake and regretted
bringing you there.
Did she ask you to
leave? Did she prevent you from staying with her even after
you accused her?
If she is still trying to
make it work with you, then #2 is not likely the case. I think she's
trying to avoid losing her investment in you and hope you'll learn
to trust her.
Why would your friend lie to
you?
-
It's a common occurrence
when a friend is jealous, especially involving a mate, for the
friend to try to sabotage the relationship.
-
Even if the friend has
no hopes of having this girl himself, he may want you to be
miserable so you couldn't have what he couldn't have.
-
Let's not forget the
fact that you now have a home, a future wife, and live on a
beach.
Isn't that reason enough for
a person to be jealous of you?
My
Conclusion...
One of four things may have happened.
-
Your friend lied out of
jealousy or mental illness. Your girlfriend may be silent because of
injured pride that you didn't trust her after all she went
through to get you there, OR she is silent because since you
didn't believe her, she is now unsure whether the relationship
would have worked at all. She may be willing to be quiet
and see what happens to reveal your character so she can make a
decision about you.
-
Your girlfriend has a
mental illness that causes her to behave in ways that don't
follow normal patterns. Possibly she's silent in this
scenario out of fear of you, or because she doesn't realize she
did wrong AND doesn't understand communication skills so she
doesn't know an answer follows a question.
-
For some reason your
girlfriend lied to your friend, but really did say this. I
don't know why she might want your friend to believe she had
cheated on you if she hasn't.
-
As unlikely as it
sounds, it's possible that your friend told the truth and your
girlfriend really managed to cheat on you, tell your best friend
and expect not to get caught.
Which one
is most likely?
I vote number 1. I
think your friend lied.
Write
to me here and I'll help you think through your problems to find the
solutions. |
